So, I’m generally disappointed in the state of game journalism and game criticism, but I won’t talk about that too much today. It’s been harped on by people far more eloquent than me and I don’t think it needs to be reiterated. However, last night I got a copy of this month’s Game Informer (the one with inFAMOUS on the cover) and I have to say I’m really, really disappointed in one of their articles, one that could have been used to actually provide critical insight into games that both gamers and game developers put up on a pedestal for whatever reason. The article is their Second Annual Sacred Cow Barbecue.

Now, normally, I’d be all for this, but literally, here’s their list of Sacred Cows and a basic summary of their complaints about each game:

• Chrono Trigger: The plot is cliché and unbelievable. To quote the article: “Chrono Trigger proves that RPG dorks will buy literally anything, just as long as it’s Japanese and doesn’t make a lick of sense.”
• GoldenEye 007: The graphics suck and the controls are bad (compared to current dual analog controls).
• Gran Turismo (series): It’s too realistic. They also didn’t like the career mode and lack of online play.
• ESPN NFL 2k5: It’s put on a pedestal only because EA stole the rights to all NFL games. It’s no better than Madden.
• Half-Life (series): The plot sucks and Gordon Freeman isn’t an interesting character. To quote the article: “For a series that’s been praised for its great storytelling we sure as hell can’t make head or tails of this convoluted collection of sci-fi drivel.” Also, no online pay “that’s not Counter-Strike or an addon pack,” and a one line complaint about physics puzzles.
• Super Smash Bros. (series): All of the game’s characters are Nintendo has-beens. To quote the article: “… there are [only] a few characters … that have sold a game in the last 20 years”. Also, the game doesn’t necessary require skill to win.
• Rez: It’s a standard rails shooter with a derivative visual style (of Batlezone and Tron according to GI), derivative gameplay (of other rail shooters) and derivative soundtrack of “generic techno music that even superstar trance hacks like DJ Tiesto and Paul Oakenfold would be embarrassed to spin.”

Okay, as a challenge, I’d like my readers to find the actual design flaws that GI points out in any of these games.

Go ahead I’ll wait.

That’s the thing, GI fails (with the exception of possibly its complaints about ESPN NFL 2k5) to point out any actual design flaws in any of the games it attempts to knock off its high horse, even though every single one of these games has design flaws that can easily suggest that it is over-rated in one way or another. Faulting Gran Turismo for being too realistic or faulting Super Smash Bros for (essentially) implementing rubber-banding mechanics is like faulting comedies for being funny and tragedies for being sad. Faulting Golden Eye for looking like crap compared to modern games or for its bad control scheme compared to the dual analog sticks is like faulting “It’s a Wonderful Life” for using old styles of directing and cutting, or faulting pre-Citizen Kane movies for not using post-Citizen Kane conventions. It misses the point of why the game is good in the first place.

If you want to write an article like this, and if you want to actually be taken seriously as a game critic, maybe you should actually think critically about the game instead of finding very small quips that don’t actually affect the game in any reasonable way. Chrono Trigger is not considered amazing because of its plot, but because of the way the plot unfolds, the open ended section at the end of the game, and the amount of freedom you’re given within the linear plot. Half-Life, similarly, isn’t necessarily considered amazing for its story, but for how that story is presented, and how the designers worked around the fact that your character shouldn’t talk (as that would break immersion).

And don’t even get me started about their complaints about Rez. Faulting each individual component of that game is like faulting a hot fudge sundae because hot fudge and ice cream aren’t actually interesting on their own.

Honestly, I feel like this article was simply meant as flame bait, and I’m almost sorry I felt the need to fan the flames. That said, GI is (according to their cover) “The World’s #1 Computer & Video Game Magazine” and I wish that I could at least expect that magazine to publish something a little more insightful than what you can get on their forums every day, but I guess that’s asking too much.